So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
