Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
