This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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whose ass print is on the piano?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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