highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
