So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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