:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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