my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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