Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
