I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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