Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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