I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize