I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i love accidental penises.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
