I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize