I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
