bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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