trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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