wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
