Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
