I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
