i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
