I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
