she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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