i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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