The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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