i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
