just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
