...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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