Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
