she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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