I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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