p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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