your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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