I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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