My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
