this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
