you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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