Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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