Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
