I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
