His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
