dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
