Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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