She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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