just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
