hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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