I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
