just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
