Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
