No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
