I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
