I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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