So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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