dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
