I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize