His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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