I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?