I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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