Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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