Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
