birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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