Duck Duck Cougar?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're using joints as your birthday candles
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
