Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
