why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
