The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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