I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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