i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
