ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
