the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
