The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
