And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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