I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
