remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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