Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
